esteem, the balance

"Because you have chosen not to respect yourself, you have made your happiness subject to the opinions others have of you..."
--Meditations

I have a friend who I think this statement applies particularly well to. It's understandable that what one lacks in esteem they vigorously approximate in tangible (especially visual) assets. As if to say, 'see, I am as good or better than you.' But to do this is to assume that the person to whom your attention is directed had a such an unfavorable view of your self to begin with. Sometimes this is true, but I would caution that often it isn't. And in this case you do little to change the outside perception of yourself other than to inflame your already apparent lack of self-definition. And in my opinion, this is a terrible way to live.

"Go on abusing yourself! Not long and you will lose the opportunity to show yourself any respect. We have only one life to live, and yours is almost over....Does the news bother you? Do you worry about things out of your control? Then take some time to concentrate your mind in the acquisition of some new and useful knowledge and stop it from flitting about. By the same token, guard against making the mistake of those who keep themselves so busy trying to gain control that they wear themselves out and lose their sense of direction, having no purpose to guide their actions or even their thoughts."

I am not so obtuse that I fail to see myself in this last assessment, but I have to try. One extreme is just as poor a choice as the other. I guess the struggle is always to find the balance.