"Can't turn a hoe into a housewife."
--Tupac Shakur
A little while ago, a friend of mine sent me a text message that read "Kim K. is going to insure her ass. Lol." I really don't give a fuck about celebrity news in any sense of the word. In fact I try to avoid learning anything about these peoples personal lives if I can, because I just don't care. And out of all the things in the world that I despise, there is little I hate more than these people who make their living being "Celebrity Experts". The Joan Rivers and and whoever else does it that know all the info on people with money and status, and apparently no sense of propriety or shame. As far as her insuring her ass, whatever truth there is to this statement, they only do it for publicity, so it doesn't really deserve any more of a mention than that.
I really disapprove of people like Kim Kardashian being celebrities inasmuch as it extends past what she does best, posing for provocative pictures. That's all she is, a girl who has been blessed with a nice face and a voluptuous body. Outside of that, she's nothing as far as I'm concerned. I learned recently that there is a show entitled Keeping Up With the Kardashians. It occurs to me that any real popular following this family has incurred has happened almost entirely as a result of Ms. Kim's having been spotted all over the internet fellating one of her boyfriends.
How her family is able to sleep at night capitalizing off of this, what has to be a personal horror, I have no idea. Good thing for her father he's not here to see this, but I'm sure he's doing somersaults in his grave knowing that his family is now famous because his daughter is all over the internet 'S'-ing and 'F'-ing a black 'D' for all to see. Every fathers dream.
While I'm on the topic, I can't support Reggie Bush anymore, and this will be the last of the celebrity talk I do. Did he even have parents? How could a mother, father, step-parent, cousin, anyone let one of their relatives go out and publicly put their mouth on an internet porn-star? Out of all the broads in all the world a Reggie Bush could land, this is what you come up with? I guess at this day and age damn near everybody is someone else's leftovers, but damn. At least normal people are generally afforded the luxury of not having the whole world offered visual proof of her giving her body away like a tax rebate.
How can you wife up a girl who's been whored out on the internet? Seriously. She's hot, sure, can't really take that away from her, but worthless. She is devoid of all worth now. Pretty much every girl I know, none of them really being on her level appearance-wise (all apologies) can take pride in knowing that they are far more appealing than her in every meaningful aspect. Whoever said looks aren't everything saw deeply into life, and this may be the crowning example. As physically attractive as she is, I, Mike Brown, all 5'7" 200 lbs of me that sits beneath a receded hairline, and would need a new word 3 steps above lucky to describe the state of affairs were I able to land a girl of her physical stature, could not possibly justify wifing her.
I will admit, as far as women are concerned looks definitely count quite a bit, but not enough compensate in her case. I can already hear the most cynical of my male counterparts chiding me for acting like I wouldn't give her a run if I had the chance. This argument is invalid, because that's not even the point. You'd be hard pressed to find a man anywhere who wouldn't, that's just what men do, but I damn sure wouldn't put my name on her because I have parents. A brother, a sister, a family that expects things from me. Moreover I have a stomach that churns at the idea of a woman I will give my name to being on the internet on all fours, mouth agape waiting for the inevitable. Pardon the visual, but she did it, not me.
Somebody please talk to the boy Reggie, he's a role model now, kids are looking up to him. "Keep yo heart 3-stacks." She ain't the one.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
"If one of my sisters ever brought home a fuckin' butterhead you know what my ol' man woulda done?"
--Tony Soprano
Butterhead, that's a good one, never heard that one before. I imagine it's probably because it arose in the 70's, back when disco and afro-sheen were in style.
If you do a Google search on ethnic slurs, the second page you get is aptly labeled "ethnic slurs by ethnicity". I did just such a search a few months ago, suspecting that I would find a trend, and sure enough my expectations were met. There they have a list of derogatory terms for people of all different ethnicities and religions, but you may notice one particular group of people has considerably more entries than the others, can you guess which group that is? Of course it's black people, or "African Descent" as Wikipedia phrases it with the utmost respect for political correctness.
The reason I began looking into this matter is because it seems rather obvious that black people are among the most maligned cultures in all of society, and the reasoning behind it fascinates me. I'm not sure of exactly why that is, or more specifically when it happened, and I haven't yet come to a concrete theory of my own so I'm open to suggestions, but I find the allure of understanding why, and how it became so widespread and pervasive to be well worth investigating.
The main thing that got me thinking about this topic is that we live in a time where it has become increasingly common for people to enter into interracial relationships. For example, I have two close female friends who are simultaneously working their way out of relationships that were probably ill-fated from the outset, largely for the very reasons that are the topic of my curiosity today.These two young ladies hail from two completely different ethnic backgrounds, both with parents who are from other countries, which makes their disinclination towards integrating black in-laws particularly strong in my experience.
I wondered, why is that? What happened, and when, that allowed black people the inglorious distinction of being the most unwanted in-laws of all time. Personally I've never been an official participant in an interracial relationship, however I do suffer from a penetrating adoration of the female form, so who knows where that will take me. But, ask your average man with a daughter going off to college what his recurring nightmare is that doesn't involve grim death, and I would wager that often enough that nightmare would be said daughter coming home with her new college boyfriend, who just happens to have a little more epidermal pigment than her father's taste permits. Now mind you, I'll be the first to say that black people, particularly African-American culture, certainly has it's bald-spots, but then who doesn't? Maybe ours are just the most conspicuous, but even that alone can't justify the apparently deep-seeded aversion. It far out-dates the advent of the internet and modern media in my estimation, so it can't be blamed on that.
Back to my two young lady friends, the details of the demise of their respective relationships are strikingly similar, beyond being skin deep. A few of the common details were, "I love him but I know my parents never will." "He's not motivated", "he doesn't want anything better for himself." "He talks about having kids but I just don't think he's mature enough." My God, I thought. I really wish I could take exception to that as a black male, but sadly I really can see how one would come away with such an impression as reluctant as I am to admit it in public. One of these gentleman I have met, both are at least a few years older (and ostensibly wiser and more mature) than myself, so how is this possibly the case?
Not to say that I'm the archetype of maturity and adulthood, but I like to think my potential wife will harbor no such complaints about me. Even so I'm not foolish enough to think that that alone will allow one to leap over the fence of cultural separation. I could probably be the High Prince of Zamunda, have my own currency, and the average non-black family would still rather I leave their daughter be.
As one final anecdote of how bad things have gotten, consider this. A while ago, it was discovered by some friends of mine that on the website craigslist, there are listings for house-call escorts in your area. It being a hot summer day in a house full of alcohol, sooner or later temptation won and calls were placed. They were given a wrong address (since obviously no one wanted to really patronize prostitutes), that was conveniently within eye-shot of the kitchen window. This went on for hours, there really was nothing else to do, so why not make a few working girls burn gas driving all over town unnecessarily, only to be laughed at from a window across the street. Later on, one particular fellow came by the house to get in on the entertainment. He began making a few calls, and sooner or later came upon one who seemed willing to submit. He started giving her the address, when she interjected, "I'm sorry honey, are you african-american?" She inquired. "Yes I am." He replied. "Oooooh, I'm sorry sweetie, I don't date outside of my race." Click.
Wow! Didn't see that one coming. Is this really the state of things. So reviled are we that not even a girl of the avenue is willing to tolerate it as a commercial transaction? What more needs to be said?
So where does that leave us? Just what happened, and where is it all going? Your theories are as good as mine, please tell me.
--Tony Soprano
Butterhead, that's a good one, never heard that one before. I imagine it's probably because it arose in the 70's, back when disco and afro-sheen were in style.
If you do a Google search on ethnic slurs, the second page you get is aptly labeled "ethnic slurs by ethnicity". I did just such a search a few months ago, suspecting that I would find a trend, and sure enough my expectations were met. There they have a list of derogatory terms for people of all different ethnicities and religions, but you may notice one particular group of people has considerably more entries than the others, can you guess which group that is? Of course it's black people, or "African Descent" as Wikipedia phrases it with the utmost respect for political correctness.
The reason I began looking into this matter is because it seems rather obvious that black people are among the most maligned cultures in all of society, and the reasoning behind it fascinates me. I'm not sure of exactly why that is, or more specifically when it happened, and I haven't yet come to a concrete theory of my own so I'm open to suggestions, but I find the allure of understanding why, and how it became so widespread and pervasive to be well worth investigating.
The main thing that got me thinking about this topic is that we live in a time where it has become increasingly common for people to enter into interracial relationships. For example, I have two close female friends who are simultaneously working their way out of relationships that were probably ill-fated from the outset, largely for the very reasons that are the topic of my curiosity today.These two young ladies hail from two completely different ethnic backgrounds, both with parents who are from other countries, which makes their disinclination towards integrating black in-laws particularly strong in my experience.
I wondered, why is that? What happened, and when, that allowed black people the inglorious distinction of being the most unwanted in-laws of all time. Personally I've never been an official participant in an interracial relationship, however I do suffer from a penetrating adoration of the female form, so who knows where that will take me. But, ask your average man with a daughter going off to college what his recurring nightmare is that doesn't involve grim death, and I would wager that often enough that nightmare would be said daughter coming home with her new college boyfriend, who just happens to have a little more epidermal pigment than her father's taste permits. Now mind you, I'll be the first to say that black people, particularly African-American culture, certainly has it's bald-spots, but then who doesn't? Maybe ours are just the most conspicuous, but even that alone can't justify the apparently deep-seeded aversion. It far out-dates the advent of the internet and modern media in my estimation, so it can't be blamed on that.
Back to my two young lady friends, the details of the demise of their respective relationships are strikingly similar, beyond being skin deep. A few of the common details were, "I love him but I know my parents never will." "He's not motivated", "he doesn't want anything better for himself." "He talks about having kids but I just don't think he's mature enough." My God, I thought. I really wish I could take exception to that as a black male, but sadly I really can see how one would come away with such an impression as reluctant as I am to admit it in public. One of these gentleman I have met, both are at least a few years older (and ostensibly wiser and more mature) than myself, so how is this possibly the case?
Not to say that I'm the archetype of maturity and adulthood, but I like to think my potential wife will harbor no such complaints about me. Even so I'm not foolish enough to think that that alone will allow one to leap over the fence of cultural separation. I could probably be the High Prince of Zamunda, have my own currency, and the average non-black family would still rather I leave their daughter be.
As one final anecdote of how bad things have gotten, consider this. A while ago, it was discovered by some friends of mine that on the website craigslist, there are listings for house-call escorts in your area. It being a hot summer day in a house full of alcohol, sooner or later temptation won and calls were placed. They were given a wrong address (since obviously no one wanted to really patronize prostitutes), that was conveniently within eye-shot of the kitchen window. This went on for hours, there really was nothing else to do, so why not make a few working girls burn gas driving all over town unnecessarily, only to be laughed at from a window across the street. Later on, one particular fellow came by the house to get in on the entertainment. He began making a few calls, and sooner or later came upon one who seemed willing to submit. He started giving her the address, when she interjected, "I'm sorry honey, are you african-american?" She inquired. "Yes I am." He replied. "Oooooh, I'm sorry sweetie, I don't date outside of my race." Click.
Wow! Didn't see that one coming. Is this really the state of things. So reviled are we that not even a girl of the avenue is willing to tolerate it as a commercial transaction? What more needs to be said?
So where does that leave us? Just what happened, and where is it all going? Your theories are as good as mine, please tell me.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
American Journalism
"Because someone is physically beautiful, does that mean they would be a good prostitute?"
- Larry King
I really hate how the news people just pick topics, and then proceed to beat me over the head with them like they are Damon Wayans as Homey The Clown. I am not amused, and I don't play that.
I realize that the idea of a married man patronizing the services of a woman who acts as her own commodity while he's the Governor of New York is one that many find unsavory to say the least, but I think we gotta sober it up a little bit. Sure its news, maybe even big news but that can't be an excuse for us to just listen to anything these people can come up with.
The typically professional news coverage of CNN today was visiting this very topic for only the second or third time since I'd been watching, when Larry King announced an upcoming guest speaker. None other than a close friend of Jessica What's-her-name, or whatever the hooker chick's name is. I guess they figured that having already enlightened me as to the contents of a professional flesh-trader's Myspace page, I could pursue no other course of desire than to seek insight into what goes on behind the scenes of such a prostitution scandal, from a hooker who is acquainted with the hooker they really wanted on Larry King Live tonight.
As I sat listening to this certifiable moron of a prostitute pontificating (never use 'prostitute' and 'pontificate' in the same sentence) about her opinion on the subject of prostitution and the learning curve that such a practice entails, it hit me. I really don't care about anything this girl has to say. In fact, I'm offended that she has been invited to come onto prime-time national television to give her opinion, on anything, and I haven't. Sure that may sound rather arrogant on the surface, and it is, but what kind of message does that send to the world? That a girl who's best answer to the problems posed by life, was to have sex with as many men as it should take to support her extravagant lifestyle captures the attention of the nation, and my day to day travails as a short, black, stocky, aspiring attorney in a middle-of-nowhere shit town like Carlisle, PA can't? Not to bash on prostitutes in particular but really, if we know anything about a woman who is a prostitute it's that she can make bad decisions. What could she possibly have to tell the world that's gonna help anything? "Hey Girls, don't become hookers"? That's what she's got for us? Yea thanks, I think most of them got that memo a little while ago. Bears repeating though I guess.
Wait a minute though, CNN can take you further. Just when I was beginning to think maybe there's something wrong with me for not wanting to hear this shit, Larry hit me with the knockout.
"Let's bring in two more hookers and ask them what they think about prostitution." These two were not even socially related to the main hooker they couldn't get, but nonetheless. American journalism at its mother-fucking finest ladies and gentleman.
I opened my eyes, and before me sat a panel of hookers.
A panel of hookers? Seriously! One wasn't enough, after all this is CNN. A good journalist must always assess the reliability of their sources. And who better to offer critiques on hooker prose than more hookers?
Unbelievable.
I was really sitting in front of the television being talked at by a round table of prostitutes. What does that say about what these news-people think of me?
I guess it all just goes to show you why it's the oldest profession. Everybody patronizes even Larry King.
- Larry King
I really hate how the news people just pick topics, and then proceed to beat me over the head with them like they are Damon Wayans as Homey The Clown. I am not amused, and I don't play that.
I realize that the idea of a married man patronizing the services of a woman who acts as her own commodity while he's the Governor of New York is one that many find unsavory to say the least, but I think we gotta sober it up a little bit. Sure its news, maybe even big news but that can't be an excuse for us to just listen to anything these people can come up with.
The typically professional news coverage of CNN today was visiting this very topic for only the second or third time since I'd been watching, when Larry King announced an upcoming guest speaker. None other than a close friend of Jessica What's-her-name, or whatever the hooker chick's name is. I guess they figured that having already enlightened me as to the contents of a professional flesh-trader's Myspace page, I could pursue no other course of desire than to seek insight into what goes on behind the scenes of such a prostitution scandal, from a hooker who is acquainted with the hooker they really wanted on Larry King Live tonight.
As I sat listening to this certifiable moron of a prostitute pontificating (never use 'prostitute' and 'pontificate' in the same sentence) about her opinion on the subject of prostitution and the learning curve that such a practice entails, it hit me. I really don't care about anything this girl has to say. In fact, I'm offended that she has been invited to come onto prime-time national television to give her opinion, on anything, and I haven't. Sure that may sound rather arrogant on the surface, and it is, but what kind of message does that send to the world? That a girl who's best answer to the problems posed by life, was to have sex with as many men as it should take to support her extravagant lifestyle captures the attention of the nation, and my day to day travails as a short, black, stocky, aspiring attorney in a middle-of-nowhere shit town like Carlisle, PA can't? Not to bash on prostitutes in particular but really, if we know anything about a woman who is a prostitute it's that she can make bad decisions. What could she possibly have to tell the world that's gonna help anything? "Hey Girls, don't become hookers"? That's what she's got for us? Yea thanks, I think most of them got that memo a little while ago. Bears repeating though I guess.
Wait a minute though, CNN can take you further. Just when I was beginning to think maybe there's something wrong with me for not wanting to hear this shit, Larry hit me with the knockout.
"Let's bring in two more hookers and ask them what they think about prostitution." These two were not even socially related to the main hooker they couldn't get, but nonetheless. American journalism at its mother-fucking finest ladies and gentleman.
I opened my eyes, and before me sat a panel of hookers.
A panel of hookers? Seriously! One wasn't enough, after all this is CNN. A good journalist must always assess the reliability of their sources. And who better to offer critiques on hooker prose than more hookers?
Unbelievable.
I was really sitting in front of the television being talked at by a round table of prostitutes. What does that say about what these news-people think of me?
I guess it all just goes to show you why it's the oldest profession. Everybody patronizes even Larry King.
“The men who seek out escorts are looking to form a bond with someone, whether it be physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually…whatever it is, being an escort is about bonding with people.” – Natalie, who gave escorting advice to the now notorious “Kristen”.
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