Saturday, December 06, 2008
Uncredited Extra
If life was a movie, the overwhelming majority of people whom we encounter, and interact with would most appropriately be labeled uncredited extras in the filmmaker's vernacular. These nameless, hollow pedestrians fulfill a very important visual purpose in a film, however in real life the story is very much different. I'm finding that more and more people fall into this category these days. Normally, this would be ok, but now they're doing what every extra always tries to do: waving their arms, jumping up and down, staring at the camera, just whatever they can to draw attention to themselves in hopes that someone will spot the untapped talent contained therein and offer them a bigger role. People like this need to stick to the script, and keep their nonsense to themselves and just try not to be noticed, I think. Everybody is level jumping. I go through painstaking lengths to keep these people from bringing their shit into my world, but sometimes they just piggyback in one someone else's tab. This is wrong. Just because we have a mutual friend, does not entitle you to enter my life and strike a pose like we're best of friends by association. You are an extra for a reason, because you are not necessary. Not to me, and I don't want to be villified if you force me to note this to you. Just know your role, and stay it. There's nothing wrong with being an extra, life just like film would be barren without them, but stay in your place. And please, please don't speak.
Monday, December 01, 2008
esteem, the balance
"Because you have chosen not to respect yourself, you have made your happiness subject to the opinions others have of you..."
--Meditations
I have a friend who I think this statement applies particularly well to. It's understandable that what one lacks in esteem they vigorously approximate in tangible (especially visual) assets. As if to say, 'see, I am as good or better than you.' But to do this is to assume that the person to whom your attention is directed had a such an unfavorable view of your self to begin with. Sometimes this is true, but I would caution that often it isn't. And in this case you do little to change the outside perception of yourself other than to inflame your already apparent lack of self-definition. And in my opinion, this is a terrible way to live.
"Go on abusing yourself! Not long and you will lose the opportunity to show yourself any respect. We have only one life to live, and yours is almost over....Does the news bother you? Do you worry about things out of your control? Then take some time to concentrate your mind in the acquisition of some new and useful knowledge and stop it from flitting about. By the same token, guard against making the mistake of those who keep themselves so busy trying to gain control that they wear themselves out and lose their sense of direction, having no purpose to guide their actions or even their thoughts."
I am not so obtuse that I fail to see myself in this last assessment, but I have to try. One extreme is just as poor a choice as the other. I guess the struggle is always to find the balance.
--Meditations
I have a friend who I think this statement applies particularly well to. It's understandable that what one lacks in esteem they vigorously approximate in tangible (especially visual) assets. As if to say, 'see, I am as good or better than you.' But to do this is to assume that the person to whom your attention is directed had a such an unfavorable view of your self to begin with. Sometimes this is true, but I would caution that often it isn't. And in this case you do little to change the outside perception of yourself other than to inflame your already apparent lack of self-definition. And in my opinion, this is a terrible way to live.
"Go on abusing yourself! Not long and you will lose the opportunity to show yourself any respect. We have only one life to live, and yours is almost over....Does the news bother you? Do you worry about things out of your control? Then take some time to concentrate your mind in the acquisition of some new and useful knowledge and stop it from flitting about. By the same token, guard against making the mistake of those who keep themselves so busy trying to gain control that they wear themselves out and lose their sense of direction, having no purpose to guide their actions or even their thoughts."
I am not so obtuse that I fail to see myself in this last assessment, but I have to try. One extreme is just as poor a choice as the other. I guess the struggle is always to find the balance.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
a tree can only grow where its planted
I spend a lot of time criticizing a lot of things. But that's because many people, especially of my generation are getting more and more ridiculous. There's a young woman I know who was trying to convince me that I had no "swagger" and I should find a way to get some, perhaps by emulating her boyfriend. Now without delving into the fabric of this specimen's character, even if he did have this mystical characteristic that is so popularly referred to by just about everyone who you should never take advice from about anything, I surely would not want it. So I impressed this upon her, at which point she predictably got sensitive about me clowning her dude.
I can't fault her for being corny, and having corny taste in men, for she's from a county in the state of Maryland that is notorious amongst Baltimore natives for breeding what I would like to call Royal Coondom. Royal Coondom is the type of behavior exuded by many of the inhabitants of a princely province near the District of Columbia, that often includes excessive references, both verbal and behavioral, to much of the popular televised nonsense with which we are inundated, mostly at the expense of the perception of young black culture by mainstream America. For example, anyone who has ever done a "shoulder lean" is probably from this area in my experience. They also utter phrases which you might have been able to recognize from songs that you otherwise don't understand, by artists such as Lil' Wayne for example, and many of his followers. (Sidenote: how does any grown man with tattoos on his face have followers, I have no idea, but this is also terrible.) An example of such buffonery would be someone uttering forth, "It ain't trickin' if you got it." And rest assured that they don't have 'it' inasmuch as 'it' is money. If this statement were to more accurately reflect the state of things, they would say, "it ain't trickin' if you borrowed it and are past due on your visa bill but they haven't froze your spending limt yet.' I'm not saying this to criticize this individual's lifestyle, but only to interject some sobering reality into the mix here, because apparently it is lacking. But what I realized as I thought about exactly why this type of behavior is so prevalent and how things got this way is that, a tree can only grow where its planted. I'm not trying to sound overly poetic or be some fake philosopher, but I feel like that is an appropriate analogy. If you grow up around coondom and buffonery, then odds are that's what you're gonna display. Right or wrong, maybe it's not for me to say, but I offer my commentary anyway. Even with this sobering realization about my own criticisms on the behavior of people around me, I still maintain that the shit is ridiculous, and don't ever listen to anybody who tries to explain to you what swagger is.
I can't fault her for being corny, and having corny taste in men, for she's from a county in the state of Maryland that is notorious amongst Baltimore natives for breeding what I would like to call Royal Coondom. Royal Coondom is the type of behavior exuded by many of the inhabitants of a princely province near the District of Columbia, that often includes excessive references, both verbal and behavioral, to much of the popular televised nonsense with which we are inundated, mostly at the expense of the perception of young black culture by mainstream America. For example, anyone who has ever done a "shoulder lean" is probably from this area in my experience. They also utter phrases which you might have been able to recognize from songs that you otherwise don't understand, by artists such as Lil' Wayne for example, and many of his followers. (Sidenote: how does any grown man with tattoos on his face have followers, I have no idea, but this is also terrible.) An example of such buffonery would be someone uttering forth, "It ain't trickin' if you got it." And rest assured that they don't have 'it' inasmuch as 'it' is money. If this statement were to more accurately reflect the state of things, they would say, "it ain't trickin' if you borrowed it and are past due on your visa bill but they haven't froze your spending limt yet.' I'm not saying this to criticize this individual's lifestyle, but only to interject some sobering reality into the mix here, because apparently it is lacking. But what I realized as I thought about exactly why this type of behavior is so prevalent and how things got this way is that, a tree can only grow where its planted. I'm not trying to sound overly poetic or be some fake philosopher, but I feel like that is an appropriate analogy. If you grow up around coondom and buffonery, then odds are that's what you're gonna display. Right or wrong, maybe it's not for me to say, but I offer my commentary anyway. Even with this sobering realization about my own criticisms on the behavior of people around me, I still maintain that the shit is ridiculous, and don't ever listen to anybody who tries to explain to you what swagger is.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
...that's got his own
Yes, the strong gets more
While the weak ones fade
Empty pockets don't ever make the grade
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child thats got his own
Thats got his own
- Billie Holiday
I think a lot of people spend a good portion of their lives learning this lesson: There is a lot of horse-shit in life, you just have to learn to accept that much of it has your name on it, and in the meantime find and embrace the things in life that make you happy so that the rest of this nonsense doesn't seem so bad.
I spent my last summer in Baltimore, something that I really was not looking forward to doing. But in hindsight, I'm glad I did. It taught me a lot, being home around family and good friends, something that I'm deprived of when I'm up at school doing this horse-shit work for which I still have no job to speak of. Many of my good friends have moved out of Baltimore, but a few remain. And with them this past summer, we did what we enjoy. Eating good food, drinking good drinks, and chilling the f*ck out, because its stressful out here during regular business hours. We found a good place to go where we were all comfortable, and could do the things we wanted to do, then we kept going back. Good food, some scotch, a few beers, some worthwhile conversation completely devoid of references to anything you're gonna see on BET, MTV, or reality shows. It's like coming up for air, and you feel much better after you shake all of that horse-shit off that you accumulated during the week.
It is very important to find things that make you happy, and use them to keep yourself grounded when things get tough. This is not to say that everyone should just subscribe to hedonism and only do things that feel good to them, this is just as bad as sticking to the horse-shit all week as far as I can see. But you have to have some things that you can always go back to.
That Billie Holiday song above, God Bless The Child, this song makes me happy. I don't know why exactly, maybe it reminds me of how my grandmother used to sing Billie Holiday songs to me when I was little. I'm sure that's probably the main reason I started listening to the old jazz and soul music to begin with. But as long as I've known this song, I never gave anything more than superficial thought to what it meant. That's got his own what? I wondered.
I've read that this line came from an argument she had with her mother about money. This makes sense, but I always felt the song deserved a more substantive meaning than that. Maybe it means mother and father may each have their own way of being, their own notions of life, the best of which they seek to impart to their children. But God bless the child that has the understanding to learn from his parents' wisdom, but preserves his own sensibilities in order that he live life through his own eyes. Could that be it, could it be about the understanding and respect for where you come from, but without being blind to what is yet to come? Maybe.
Them thats got shall get
Them thats not shall lose
So the Bible said and it still is news
Mama may have, papa may have
Maybe it's about faith. God bless the child that has faith that nothing in life is permanent, least of all the challenges we face. They always persist, but they are ever-changing. So you have to believe that something bigger than yourself is going on so you can make sense out of all the ups and downs. I would like that. But its not that simple either.
Money, you've got lots of friends
Crowding round the door
When you're gone, spending ends
They don't come no more
Rich relations give
Crust of bread and such
You can help yourself
But don't take too much
The truth is, the song is about money, but also the things it does, and the dangers it poses. Maybe that false sense of security, or of self, that a good run can give a person. But you always have to remember what it is, and where you come from. We're all born without it, even if we come from a family of privilege. But as we grow, so to does it grow a part of us. Billie Holiday grew up without much of it, which no doubt gave her a tremendous respect for what it really means. Going from little of it, to celebrity, must be quite a life experience. When it came, they crowded around to be in its company. When it was gone, so were they. So was that sense it gave us. Just a mirage, temporary like Achilles. We're all cautioned against it, but few listen. Those of us that can are always tempted to partake of our own good fortune, and rightly so. But we always have to temper our enthusiasm with the idea of what it all really means. You can help yourself, but don't take too much. Maybe that means that wise as you may be, no one is immune. The more you get, the further you remove yourself from where we all come from. We just have to remember that you can't buy everything, you can't buy anything that really has its own meaning. Maybe that's what it's all about, the meaning of it all. Meaning, we all need it, we all want it, but you can't really buy it. I guess you just have to have your own. Maybe we're born with it, and the task is simply to hang on for dear life. I can understand that. That makes sense to me. That makes me happy. God Bless the Child.
While the weak ones fade
Empty pockets don't ever make the grade
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child thats got his own
Thats got his own
- Billie Holiday
I think a lot of people spend a good portion of their lives learning this lesson: There is a lot of horse-shit in life, you just have to learn to accept that much of it has your name on it, and in the meantime find and embrace the things in life that make you happy so that the rest of this nonsense doesn't seem so bad.
I spent my last summer in Baltimore, something that I really was not looking forward to doing. But in hindsight, I'm glad I did. It taught me a lot, being home around family and good friends, something that I'm deprived of when I'm up at school doing this horse-shit work for which I still have no job to speak of. Many of my good friends have moved out of Baltimore, but a few remain. And with them this past summer, we did what we enjoy. Eating good food, drinking good drinks, and chilling the f*ck out, because its stressful out here during regular business hours. We found a good place to go where we were all comfortable, and could do the things we wanted to do, then we kept going back. Good food, some scotch, a few beers, some worthwhile conversation completely devoid of references to anything you're gonna see on BET, MTV, or reality shows. It's like coming up for air, and you feel much better after you shake all of that horse-shit off that you accumulated during the week.
It is very important to find things that make you happy, and use them to keep yourself grounded when things get tough. This is not to say that everyone should just subscribe to hedonism and only do things that feel good to them, this is just as bad as sticking to the horse-shit all week as far as I can see. But you have to have some things that you can always go back to.
That Billie Holiday song above, God Bless The Child, this song makes me happy. I don't know why exactly, maybe it reminds me of how my grandmother used to sing Billie Holiday songs to me when I was little. I'm sure that's probably the main reason I started listening to the old jazz and soul music to begin with. But as long as I've known this song, I never gave anything more than superficial thought to what it meant. That's got his own what? I wondered.
I've read that this line came from an argument she had with her mother about money. This makes sense, but I always felt the song deserved a more substantive meaning than that. Maybe it means mother and father may each have their own way of being, their own notions of life, the best of which they seek to impart to their children. But God bless the child that has the understanding to learn from his parents' wisdom, but preserves his own sensibilities in order that he live life through his own eyes. Could that be it, could it be about the understanding and respect for where you come from, but without being blind to what is yet to come? Maybe.
Them thats got shall get
Them thats not shall lose
So the Bible said and it still is news
Mama may have, papa may have
Maybe it's about faith. God bless the child that has faith that nothing in life is permanent, least of all the challenges we face. They always persist, but they are ever-changing. So you have to believe that something bigger than yourself is going on so you can make sense out of all the ups and downs. I would like that. But its not that simple either.
Money, you've got lots of friends
Crowding round the door
When you're gone, spending ends
They don't come no more
Rich relations give
Crust of bread and such
You can help yourself
But don't take too much
The truth is, the song is about money, but also the things it does, and the dangers it poses. Maybe that false sense of security, or of self, that a good run can give a person. But you always have to remember what it is, and where you come from. We're all born without it, even if we come from a family of privilege. But as we grow, so to does it grow a part of us. Billie Holiday grew up without much of it, which no doubt gave her a tremendous respect for what it really means. Going from little of it, to celebrity, must be quite a life experience. When it came, they crowded around to be in its company. When it was gone, so were they. So was that sense it gave us. Just a mirage, temporary like Achilles. We're all cautioned against it, but few listen. Those of us that can are always tempted to partake of our own good fortune, and rightly so. But we always have to temper our enthusiasm with the idea of what it all really means. You can help yourself, but don't take too much. Maybe that means that wise as you may be, no one is immune. The more you get, the further you remove yourself from where we all come from. We just have to remember that you can't buy everything, you can't buy anything that really has its own meaning. Maybe that's what it's all about, the meaning of it all. Meaning, we all need it, we all want it, but you can't really buy it. I guess you just have to have your own. Maybe we're born with it, and the task is simply to hang on for dear life. I can understand that. That makes sense to me. That makes me happy. God Bless the Child.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
it might just be time to go, (or) No Country for Young Black Men
Just looking around, things are really crazy out here, and it seems like now is as good a time as any to start thinking about somewhere else to set up shop. Things in this country have been devolving for at least the better part of this decade, and I don't know how bright it is to hang around waiting for the knock-out punch.
I'm looking for ideas of a place to go where things are a little more normal and sensible. I want to go back to Japan, it's so clean over there and people are so polite, it's quite a relief. I could learn to speak Japanese, but the broader problem is this: I'm still black, and as such it's gonna be damn near impossible for me to even appear to fit in most places in the world. Some may proclaim that I can always go back to Africa, but being that I've never been, and even if I were to go I have no home country in Africa, not to mention all of the other reasons that a person may choose not to move to Africa in general, that idea can be cast aside as well. So where does that leave us?
I'm looking for ideas of a place to go where things are a little more normal and sensible. I want to go back to Japan, it's so clean over there and people are so polite, it's quite a relief. I could learn to speak Japanese, but the broader problem is this: I'm still black, and as such it's gonna be damn near impossible for me to even appear to fit in most places in the world. Some may proclaim that I can always go back to Africa, but being that I've never been, and even if I were to go I have no home country in Africa, not to mention all of the other reasons that a person may choose not to move to Africa in general, that idea can be cast aside as well. So where does that leave us?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
American Censorship OR "Just the God"
I was in the car the other day with the radio on when this song came on. I have no idea what the song is called or who made it, but from what I can tell from the little bit I listened to, the singer seems to be very upset at the actions that were taking place in a room nearby with the door open.
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing the --- damn door" the radio asked me. I wonder when it started that they censor the 'god' in the word "goddamn". This isn't meant to be a religious argument, I'm far from the image of piety, but I think it's worth thinking about. Censorship has come a long way in just the time that I can remember. I remember when I was younger you never even heard the word damn on the radio. I even remember there being some kind of controversy when the Fox network let Al Bundy say "bitch" on prime-time TV. Now bitch is everywhere, damn, ass, all of that shit. Profane terms for anatomy don't even bat an eye anymore, "so and so is a dick", "you're such a pussy". The word "tits" is almost ubiquitous on TV these days. Maybe the odd old-timer will shift in their seat a little if they hear the word "pussy", but that's about it. And as the comedian Joe Rogan pointed out, you can still stiffen a few faces by dropping a "cunt" here and there, but even that one has lost a lot of steam since the 80s. The point is it seems like it doesn't take long anymore for people to acclimate to the profane word of the day to the point where sooner or later no one cares, but some of it just doesn't make sense to me.
I remember when Eminem's first song came out when I was in high school. At one point he uses the word "asshole" in the real song, but that one appears to be just barely enough to merit censoring. This was around the time where instead of just blanking the word out, artists were preemptively releasing cleaner, radio friendly versions of their songs. But Eminem, being the sick fuck that he is, replaced "asshole" with "ball sack", and the censor people apparently found this acceptable. And the first time I heard it on the radio I was amazed. Not that I really care either way, but I find ball sack to be a bit more distasteful than asshole. Asshole almost doesn't even mean anything anymore, you hear that shit all the time, but ball-sack?
I guess the radio stations are just trying to keep out of trouble with the censor's and all that, who's job it is to basically respond to the sensibilities of the times and make sure broadcasts stay inside the lines during daylight hours. But is this really the state of things? Do the censors think to themselves, 'People may take offense to our use of the word "goddamn", so how about we take out the "god". Not the damn, not even the whole fucking word. Just the God. I'm just confused, that's all.
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing the --- damn door" the radio asked me. I wonder when it started that they censor the 'god' in the word "goddamn". This isn't meant to be a religious argument, I'm far from the image of piety, but I think it's worth thinking about. Censorship has come a long way in just the time that I can remember. I remember when I was younger you never even heard the word damn on the radio. I even remember there being some kind of controversy when the Fox network let Al Bundy say "bitch" on prime-time TV. Now bitch is everywhere, damn, ass, all of that shit. Profane terms for anatomy don't even bat an eye anymore, "so and so is a dick", "you're such a pussy". The word "tits" is almost ubiquitous on TV these days. Maybe the odd old-timer will shift in their seat a little if they hear the word "pussy", but that's about it. And as the comedian Joe Rogan pointed out, you can still stiffen a few faces by dropping a "cunt" here and there, but even that one has lost a lot of steam since the 80s. The point is it seems like it doesn't take long anymore for people to acclimate to the profane word of the day to the point where sooner or later no one cares, but some of it just doesn't make sense to me.
I remember when Eminem's first song came out when I was in high school. At one point he uses the word "asshole" in the real song, but that one appears to be just barely enough to merit censoring. This was around the time where instead of just blanking the word out, artists were preemptively releasing cleaner, radio friendly versions of their songs. But Eminem, being the sick fuck that he is, replaced "asshole" with "ball sack", and the censor people apparently found this acceptable. And the first time I heard it on the radio I was amazed. Not that I really care either way, but I find ball sack to be a bit more distasteful than asshole. Asshole almost doesn't even mean anything anymore, you hear that shit all the time, but ball-sack?
I guess the radio stations are just trying to keep out of trouble with the censor's and all that, who's job it is to basically respond to the sensibilities of the times and make sure broadcasts stay inside the lines during daylight hours. But is this really the state of things? Do the censors think to themselves, 'People may take offense to our use of the word "goddamn", so how about we take out the "god". Not the damn, not even the whole fucking word. Just the God. I'm just confused, that's all.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
"...but I'm trying, Ringo."
"It's not that I'm afraid of it, I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But, I don't want to push my chips forward, and then go out and meet something I don't understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He'd have to say ok...I'll be part of this world."
--No Country for Old Men
A lot of the things I say in this forum overlap, perhaps even to the point of being repetitive. But that's because I decided to keep this record of my thoughts more out of selfishness than anything else. I wanted to be able to look back on it all at some unidentified point in the future. Call it a mental timeline, maybe even a growth chart if I'm lucky.
When all is said and done, I want basically what everyone else does. I want to live a life that's worth bringing others into. But if you're gonna do something like that, you have to do it right.
That means you have to choose very wisely who you bring in. Especially inasmuch as having a family is concerned. I talk a lot about women because I need one for this plan to work. But present times find a lot of substance left to desire. Potential, frozen and wasted. I'm trying not to be such myself, because that's not what I want for my family.
A while back a friend of mine asked me how it is that I, being one of the lazier people I know, find the motivation to go to the gym with any sort of regularity. I told him, that aside from it being good for the health and all of that, I find motivation in that if and when I ever find a woman to settle down with, I'm surely going to encourage that she keep herself in respectable physical condition, so the very least I can do is satisfy my own standards, or at least attempt to so not to be a total hypocrite. The books I read, some of the movies and television I watch, voluntarily subjecting myself to law school, this was not done for my health. Much of that is done with an eye towards preparedness. I read books that I feel like I can learn something from, not just for myself, but because if I have it my way, I will have a family one day, and kids ask a lot of questions. I won't be able to respond to all of them, but I at least have to be able to point them to the answer.
I jam on girls cause I'm sick of this shit. It's bedlam out there. People are walking around talking crazy and acting reckless, thinking of nothing that can't be used for pleasure, hedonism. Acting as if life is a dress rehearsal to a play, and the curtains haven't drawn yet, so in the meantime take whatever role you like. This is wrong. A few weeks ago I met this girl through a friend, also a law student. She spoke of the dearth of suitable young men available these days. I told her that I can imagine her plight. She went on to detail more what she meant by suitable. "Yea, I mean he has to be smart, and have himself together and have an education and a career, and all of that." She paused for a brief return to her Newport 100 cigarette, "...but if the dick ain't all there, neither am I." I nodded and excused myself to the kitchen where I had left a bottle of scotch that suddenly didn't look like it could help me anymore. I worry that I just don't understand, that time waits for no man, and it's snaking, and winding past me. I fear we're putting our souls at hazard.
I do, say, and most certainly think quite a bit about what many people may term 'weird shit'. But I do it all for a reason, or most of it anyway. I try to keep my eyes forward so I can see what's coming. Sometimes my eyes reach far enough to see problems coming, giving me time to swerve out of the way. But some problems are big, bigger than the whole horizon, and you just know that sooner than you think it's gonna be all you can see. That's when the ol' thinker starts kicking in, trying to come up with ways around it, or through it, or if you can't do that, ways to mitigate the damage. The point is, eventually life is gonna become real. A lot more real than it is now, and my actions, the things I do and say and think will stop affecting only me. They will affect those that depend on me. So I simply have to be ready.
So in a nutshell, that's what my aim is, in most of the things I do. I like to think other people are on the same page. But from where I'm standing it's mighty hard to see.
--No Country for Old Men
A lot of the things I say in this forum overlap, perhaps even to the point of being repetitive. But that's because I decided to keep this record of my thoughts more out of selfishness than anything else. I wanted to be able to look back on it all at some unidentified point in the future. Call it a mental timeline, maybe even a growth chart if I'm lucky.
When all is said and done, I want basically what everyone else does. I want to live a life that's worth bringing others into. But if you're gonna do something like that, you have to do it right.
That means you have to choose very wisely who you bring in. Especially inasmuch as having a family is concerned. I talk a lot about women because I need one for this plan to work. But present times find a lot of substance left to desire. Potential, frozen and wasted. I'm trying not to be such myself, because that's not what I want for my family.
A while back a friend of mine asked me how it is that I, being one of the lazier people I know, find the motivation to go to the gym with any sort of regularity. I told him, that aside from it being good for the health and all of that, I find motivation in that if and when I ever find a woman to settle down with, I'm surely going to encourage that she keep herself in respectable physical condition, so the very least I can do is satisfy my own standards, or at least attempt to so not to be a total hypocrite. The books I read, some of the movies and television I watch, voluntarily subjecting myself to law school, this was not done for my health. Much of that is done with an eye towards preparedness. I read books that I feel like I can learn something from, not just for myself, but because if I have it my way, I will have a family one day, and kids ask a lot of questions. I won't be able to respond to all of them, but I at least have to be able to point them to the answer.
I jam on girls cause I'm sick of this shit. It's bedlam out there. People are walking around talking crazy and acting reckless, thinking of nothing that can't be used for pleasure, hedonism. Acting as if life is a dress rehearsal to a play, and the curtains haven't drawn yet, so in the meantime take whatever role you like. This is wrong. A few weeks ago I met this girl through a friend, also a law student. She spoke of the dearth of suitable young men available these days. I told her that I can imagine her plight. She went on to detail more what she meant by suitable. "Yea, I mean he has to be smart, and have himself together and have an education and a career, and all of that." She paused for a brief return to her Newport 100 cigarette, "...but if the dick ain't all there, neither am I." I nodded and excused myself to the kitchen where I had left a bottle of scotch that suddenly didn't look like it could help me anymore. I worry that I just don't understand, that time waits for no man, and it's snaking, and winding past me. I fear we're putting our souls at hazard.
I do, say, and most certainly think quite a bit about what many people may term 'weird shit'. But I do it all for a reason, or most of it anyway. I try to keep my eyes forward so I can see what's coming. Sometimes my eyes reach far enough to see problems coming, giving me time to swerve out of the way. But some problems are big, bigger than the whole horizon, and you just know that sooner than you think it's gonna be all you can see. That's when the ol' thinker starts kicking in, trying to come up with ways around it, or through it, or if you can't do that, ways to mitigate the damage. The point is, eventually life is gonna become real. A lot more real than it is now, and my actions, the things I do and say and think will stop affecting only me. They will affect those that depend on me. So I simply have to be ready.
So in a nutshell, that's what my aim is, in most of the things I do. I like to think other people are on the same page. But from where I'm standing it's mighty hard to see.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
A Sequel: Things Men Shouldn't Be Allowed To Do. OR "Girls Best Friend"
"I'm sorry ma'am, you're right, you're not a whore. But you're certainly wearing a whore's uniform."
-- Dave Chappelle
If you look it up, you will probably find that in American culture, the most consistent demographic reservoir for decorative earring has generally been women. There was a phenomenon during the sixties where it gained popularity amongst the sailor, hipster, and homosexual scenes respectively. But it has generally always been more popular among women to wear decorative piercings in the ear.
I think in the culture of the modern American male, it really started to take off in popularity mostly as a way to draw attention to oneself. From there, it slowly evolved from a mere attempt at distinction, into useful surface area for displaying one's wealth of disposable income. This is all fine, but within the last decade or two I think the general acceptance of earrings and jewelry on men collided and multiplied with what has been noted by some scholars as the feminization of American culture. This is where I begin to see a problem.
Men are becoming more and more like women, and I personally think this is not really a good thing. You don't have to look far today to find an example of a man exhibiting behavior that was historically thought of to be effeminate. I'm not meaning to talk about sexuality and all of that, just human behavior, specifically as it pertains to certain portions of the modern male population. Turn on the TV during any celebrity event, or watch a music video channel for long enough and you will surely see a man somewhere, donning more decorative jewels than Liberace himself ever embraced.
Necklaces, (or chains as they call them so they don't feel gay), earrings, bracelets, rings on every finger. Diamonds, diamonds, everywhere. Sure they're nice, they're shiny, they're valuable, but what does the diamond industry call them? The people who make their living mining, cutting, polishing, fixing and selling diamonds, how did they first choose to market them? "A girl's best friend." Not a guy's best friend. And the reason for that is, they were really meant for women. Women love diamonds, it's a fact. Now, men love diamonds too. But that's fine, I'm not hating, go right ahead if you're a man that just happens to be into jewels. But don't stop there, why not grab yourself a nice fur while you're at it. Mink, coon, chinchilla, pick one. Any fur coat you like fellas, have one, you deserve it, you've earned the money, you might as well blow it to show it.
In my 25 years of life, I can remember a time when it was almost unheard of for a man to wear a fur coat. Now, no one really bats an eye. Why? Well obviously something happened, but what was it?
I've now had several conversations with girls where I have been told that one thing they're noticing more and more is that as they put it, "guys are getting way too emotional and sensitive." There it is again, more words being used to describe guys that even now if heard on their own almost always invoke an image of the opposite sex. Yet, it's being applied to the male of the species. What's going on?
As I generally don't really notice details about men's faces it took another young lady to point out to me that a young gentleman we both know has taken to arching his eyebrows. Wow, I thought. I would have never noticed that. Nor would I have ever thought that a man would do such a thing, especially a man who is ostensibly into women. In fact I don't think I'd ever used the words 'arch' and 'eyebrows' in the same sentence before that point.
Two of my female law school classmates have independently made me aware of an even more fascinating trend. Apparently it is becoming commonplace for guys to say to them, (upon learning of their status as future attorneys which is often intimately tied to the notion of making lots of money however wrong it may be), "Oh you're in law school? I better hurry up and get you pregnant." I still don't want to believe it, but I can see that happening, and this is terrible. This is terrible because it use to be strictly the province of women to use sex/creating children as a means of securing a man's financial resources for her kids'/her own benefit. And this is much easier for them to do as they are the ones who actually make the kids. Now, apparently the shoe has switched feet.
My point is this, men are men, and women are women. Everyone is born with one role or the other. If they start blending into one, where does that leave us? Wherever that is, the only thing I know for sure is that I need to be elsewhere.
Gentleman, fellas, boys, whatever, sooner or later you gotta man up.
-- Dave Chappelle
If you look it up, you will probably find that in American culture, the most consistent demographic reservoir for decorative earring has generally been women. There was a phenomenon during the sixties where it gained popularity amongst the sailor, hipster, and homosexual scenes respectively. But it has generally always been more popular among women to wear decorative piercings in the ear.
I think in the culture of the modern American male, it really started to take off in popularity mostly as a way to draw attention to oneself. From there, it slowly evolved from a mere attempt at distinction, into useful surface area for displaying one's wealth of disposable income. This is all fine, but within the last decade or two I think the general acceptance of earrings and jewelry on men collided and multiplied with what has been noted by some scholars as the feminization of American culture. This is where I begin to see a problem.
Men are becoming more and more like women, and I personally think this is not really a good thing. You don't have to look far today to find an example of a man exhibiting behavior that was historically thought of to be effeminate. I'm not meaning to talk about sexuality and all of that, just human behavior, specifically as it pertains to certain portions of the modern male population. Turn on the TV during any celebrity event, or watch a music video channel for long enough and you will surely see a man somewhere, donning more decorative jewels than Liberace himself ever embraced.
Necklaces, (or chains as they call them so they don't feel gay), earrings, bracelets, rings on every finger. Diamonds, diamonds, everywhere. Sure they're nice, they're shiny, they're valuable, but what does the diamond industry call them? The people who make their living mining, cutting, polishing, fixing and selling diamonds, how did they first choose to market them? "A girl's best friend." Not a guy's best friend. And the reason for that is, they were really meant for women. Women love diamonds, it's a fact. Now, men love diamonds too. But that's fine, I'm not hating, go right ahead if you're a man that just happens to be into jewels. But don't stop there, why not grab yourself a nice fur while you're at it. Mink, coon, chinchilla, pick one. Any fur coat you like fellas, have one, you deserve it, you've earned the money, you might as well blow it to show it.
In my 25 years of life, I can remember a time when it was almost unheard of for a man to wear a fur coat. Now, no one really bats an eye. Why? Well obviously something happened, but what was it?
I've now had several conversations with girls where I have been told that one thing they're noticing more and more is that as they put it, "guys are getting way too emotional and sensitive." There it is again, more words being used to describe guys that even now if heard on their own almost always invoke an image of the opposite sex. Yet, it's being applied to the male of the species. What's going on?
As I generally don't really notice details about men's faces it took another young lady to point out to me that a young gentleman we both know has taken to arching his eyebrows. Wow, I thought. I would have never noticed that. Nor would I have ever thought that a man would do such a thing, especially a man who is ostensibly into women. In fact I don't think I'd ever used the words 'arch' and 'eyebrows' in the same sentence before that point.
Two of my female law school classmates have independently made me aware of an even more fascinating trend. Apparently it is becoming commonplace for guys to say to them, (upon learning of their status as future attorneys which is often intimately tied to the notion of making lots of money however wrong it may be), "Oh you're in law school? I better hurry up and get you pregnant." I still don't want to believe it, but I can see that happening, and this is terrible. This is terrible because it use to be strictly the province of women to use sex/creating children as a means of securing a man's financial resources for her kids'/her own benefit. And this is much easier for them to do as they are the ones who actually make the kids. Now, apparently the shoe has switched feet.
My point is this, men are men, and women are women. Everyone is born with one role or the other. If they start blending into one, where does that leave us? Wherever that is, the only thing I know for sure is that I need to be elsewhere.
Gentleman, fellas, boys, whatever, sooner or later you gotta man up.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Nothing Makes Sense Anymore: We All Need Help
"I'm done with Baltimore."
-- Witness
Everyday during school I flip through my usual website roster just to keep abreast of what's going on in the world. I check espn.com to see what's going on in the football and college basketball, the Orioles while they're still above 500 which I'm surprised they are so late into April, and whatever else ESPN tells me I should be paying attention to. I check cnn.com to see if anything terrible has happened while I was sleeping, then I check the BBC Americas page to get a more realistic view of things. Then, I take a deep breath, try to mentally prepare myself and hope for the best as I check the website that is literally closest to home, baltimoresun.com.
My God, what is the world coming to. It's getting so I can't even look at the Baltimore news anymore without wanting to just pack up all my shit and move as far away as I can. It's not just Baltimore in all fairness, just check the US news section on CNN if you don't believe me, but damned if Baltimore isn't making it that much worse. For the second consecutive day I was hit first thing in the morning with a story about a teenager who should have been in school getting caught on the wrong end of a firearm. Yesterday morning it was a 14 year old girl getting shot in a rowhouse in east Baltimore, allegedly by an 18 year old suspect.
"The victim was identified as Shawndreta Griffin of the 1900 block of McCulloh St., a seventh-grader at Booker T. Washington Middle School. The shooting occurred after 9 a.m. in the 1900 block of N. Patterson Park Ave., where several dilapidated houses have been demolished.
Neighbors and passers-by gathered behind yellow crime-scene tape as about 25 police cadets searched vacant lots and alleys for the weapon police believe was used in the shooting.
Malachi Williams Jr., who was doing construction work in a car wash nearby, said he had seen six or seven children being led by police officers out of the rowhouse and into vehicles."
I remember when I was little watching my grandmother as she watched the news and shake her head in sorrowful disbelief. I wondered to myself, how can she even bring herself to care? She doesn't know these people, and in my childlike mind they seemed so far removed from my own life as to not even be a part of reality. As I have grown older, I think her view is beginning to come into focus for me. This shit is terrible. Even in a terrible story like this is more terrible shit lying between the lines. What the fuck is a seventh grader doing at home at 9 in the morning on a Monday? And her 18 year old shooter, what? Who gets into violent disputes before they're even done serving breakfast at McDonald's?
Today I checked hoping to maybe see something hopeful on the front page, nope, wrong.
Boy, 15, Shot in Face in West Baltimore. Police swarm neighborhood; Officer was shot in same area yesterday.
"A 15-year-old boy was shot in the face about 9:30 a.m. today in West Baltimore, and three schools in the area were placed on lockdown, according to city police and city school officials. The victim is likely to recover, a police spokeswoman said."
9:30 am, really? Not that anytime is a good time to get shot in the face, but for real. What is possibly going on that you've already resorted gun violence at 9:30 am? There's no logical justification for it. Life is just getting beyond reason, and that's how you know something really, really radical is going to happen in the near future that's going to change everything, because it pretty much has to.
A long time ago I used to be anti-guns, anti-death penalty, all of that shit, and I had my justification. The death penalty just seems inherently hypocritical to me, and I can't resolve that philosphical gap in my own mind to this day, but somewhere along the line philosophy gets driven off the road by practicality. Some people are just too much to be allowed to run loose in the world, even within the confines of the prison system. And here are my two cents on an issue I believe the Supreme Court will soon be hearing this term; the death penalty should not be reserved for those convicted of homicide. These people who like molesting kids are far more deserving of it in my opinion but that's a whole other topic.
Everybody is simply going apeshit. I don't know if it's all the greasy food and preservatives, if it's the repetitive skull numbing music, if it's Dr. Phil's fault or what, but something is going wrong, big time, and we all just seem to be far too accepting of it.
I used to be opposed to owning guns but I'm certainly not anymore, because they have guns, and they are crazy. And every time I leave my bedroom, I'm entering their domain where apparently anything can happen first thing in the morning. If this is the situation then just like Omar said, "The game is out there, and it's play or get played." But what kind of fucked up shit is this to have to deal with. A world where everybody has guns? Guns that have triggers, and all it takes is an index finger to pull it, and when you pull it a bullet flies out. A bullet is a piece of metal, rounded and shaped to fly through the air, spiraling for accuracy, and sometimes hollowed out so that when they reach your target, they collapse broadening and roughening their piercing end so that they won't exit the target, but will stay inside piercing and tearing tissue and vital organs, which will render your target seriously incapacitated, if not mortally wounded. And why you might ask is this the case? Who knows, but apparently you can piss people off enough before the suns even all the way out of bed for them to point one of these things at you and let fly.
This is craziness. Bill of rights enthusiasts will tell you that it's their right to bear arms and that they understand how to use them and would only do so if they felt threatened. I personally take the Seinfeld view on this, "People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns, too many misunderstandings." Yet, while I hold this belief, I certainly don't want to be the one caught naked when everybody outside has all their clothes on, and an angry look on their face. What's a man to do? Stop reading the news maybe. At least then you won't see it coming.
I think the biggest mistake we all make is seeing this stuff happen, and watching the news like it's a documentary on Aids in Africa, like it will never affect us. The other day I was sitting outside of my house in Carlisle, PA, miles away from anything of significance to people who have grown up in a real city. I was double parked for convenience, but the street was wide enough for two cars to fit through even with cars parked along both curbs. Within 2 minutes, two people drove by honking their horns, one of them slowed down as they drove by to peer into the car and see who was there, as if to say "What is your problem, city boy?" The second guy even pulled over on the other side of the street, got out of his car leered over to try and scare us off I suppose. I remember thinking; these poor idiots have no idea what's going on in the world. I felt this way because I know for a fact, that just less than an hour and change south of Carlisle, there is a city where one can find themself rendered lifeless for committing such an act. Stopping and looking into cars at people you don't know is an action that can cost you your life in many parts of this fascinating country, but these people only see and hear about that on the news if at all. The news is no barrier to reality, I just hope these people don't carry their antiquated country habits too far into modern territory. God knows what will happen when these two borders eventually meet.
-- Witness
Everyday during school I flip through my usual website roster just to keep abreast of what's going on in the world. I check espn.com to see what's going on in the football and college basketball, the Orioles while they're still above 500 which I'm surprised they are so late into April, and whatever else ESPN tells me I should be paying attention to. I check cnn.com to see if anything terrible has happened while I was sleeping, then I check the BBC Americas page to get a more realistic view of things. Then, I take a deep breath, try to mentally prepare myself and hope for the best as I check the website that is literally closest to home, baltimoresun.com.
My God, what is the world coming to. It's getting so I can't even look at the Baltimore news anymore without wanting to just pack up all my shit and move as far away as I can. It's not just Baltimore in all fairness, just check the US news section on CNN if you don't believe me, but damned if Baltimore isn't making it that much worse. For the second consecutive day I was hit first thing in the morning with a story about a teenager who should have been in school getting caught on the wrong end of a firearm. Yesterday morning it was a 14 year old girl getting shot in a rowhouse in east Baltimore, allegedly by an 18 year old suspect.
"The victim was identified as Shawndreta Griffin of the 1900 block of McCulloh St., a seventh-grader at Booker T. Washington Middle School. The shooting occurred after 9 a.m. in the 1900 block of N. Patterson Park Ave., where several dilapidated houses have been demolished.
Neighbors and passers-by gathered behind yellow crime-scene tape as about 25 police cadets searched vacant lots and alleys for the weapon police believe was used in the shooting.
Malachi Williams Jr., who was doing construction work in a car wash nearby, said he had seen six or seven children being led by police officers out of the rowhouse and into vehicles."
I remember when I was little watching my grandmother as she watched the news and shake her head in sorrowful disbelief. I wondered to myself, how can she even bring herself to care? She doesn't know these people, and in my childlike mind they seemed so far removed from my own life as to not even be a part of reality. As I have grown older, I think her view is beginning to come into focus for me. This shit is terrible. Even in a terrible story like this is more terrible shit lying between the lines. What the fuck is a seventh grader doing at home at 9 in the morning on a Monday? And her 18 year old shooter, what? Who gets into violent disputes before they're even done serving breakfast at McDonald's?
Today I checked hoping to maybe see something hopeful on the front page, nope, wrong.
Boy, 15, Shot in Face in West Baltimore. Police swarm neighborhood; Officer was shot in same area yesterday.
"A 15-year-old boy was shot in the face about 9:30 a.m. today in West Baltimore, and three schools in the area were placed on lockdown, according to city police and city school officials. The victim is likely to recover, a police spokeswoman said."
9:30 am, really? Not that anytime is a good time to get shot in the face, but for real. What is possibly going on that you've already resorted gun violence at 9:30 am? There's no logical justification for it. Life is just getting beyond reason, and that's how you know something really, really radical is going to happen in the near future that's going to change everything, because it pretty much has to.
A long time ago I used to be anti-guns, anti-death penalty, all of that shit, and I had my justification. The death penalty just seems inherently hypocritical to me, and I can't resolve that philosphical gap in my own mind to this day, but somewhere along the line philosophy gets driven off the road by practicality. Some people are just too much to be allowed to run loose in the world, even within the confines of the prison system. And here are my two cents on an issue I believe the Supreme Court will soon be hearing this term; the death penalty should not be reserved for those convicted of homicide. These people who like molesting kids are far more deserving of it in my opinion but that's a whole other topic.
Everybody is simply going apeshit. I don't know if it's all the greasy food and preservatives, if it's the repetitive skull numbing music, if it's Dr. Phil's fault or what, but something is going wrong, big time, and we all just seem to be far too accepting of it.
I used to be opposed to owning guns but I'm certainly not anymore, because they have guns, and they are crazy. And every time I leave my bedroom, I'm entering their domain where apparently anything can happen first thing in the morning. If this is the situation then just like Omar said, "The game is out there, and it's play or get played." But what kind of fucked up shit is this to have to deal with. A world where everybody has guns? Guns that have triggers, and all it takes is an index finger to pull it, and when you pull it a bullet flies out. A bullet is a piece of metal, rounded and shaped to fly through the air, spiraling for accuracy, and sometimes hollowed out so that when they reach your target, they collapse broadening and roughening their piercing end so that they won't exit the target, but will stay inside piercing and tearing tissue and vital organs, which will render your target seriously incapacitated, if not mortally wounded. And why you might ask is this the case? Who knows, but apparently you can piss people off enough before the suns even all the way out of bed for them to point one of these things at you and let fly.
This is craziness. Bill of rights enthusiasts will tell you that it's their right to bear arms and that they understand how to use them and would only do so if they felt threatened. I personally take the Seinfeld view on this, "People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns, too many misunderstandings." Yet, while I hold this belief, I certainly don't want to be the one caught naked when everybody outside has all their clothes on, and an angry look on their face. What's a man to do? Stop reading the news maybe. At least then you won't see it coming.
I think the biggest mistake we all make is seeing this stuff happen, and watching the news like it's a documentary on Aids in Africa, like it will never affect us. The other day I was sitting outside of my house in Carlisle, PA, miles away from anything of significance to people who have grown up in a real city. I was double parked for convenience, but the street was wide enough for two cars to fit through even with cars parked along both curbs. Within 2 minutes, two people drove by honking their horns, one of them slowed down as they drove by to peer into the car and see who was there, as if to say "What is your problem, city boy?" The second guy even pulled over on the other side of the street, got out of his car leered over to try and scare us off I suppose. I remember thinking; these poor idiots have no idea what's going on in the world. I felt this way because I know for a fact, that just less than an hour and change south of Carlisle, there is a city where one can find themself rendered lifeless for committing such an act. Stopping and looking into cars at people you don't know is an action that can cost you your life in many parts of this fascinating country, but these people only see and hear about that on the news if at all. The news is no barrier to reality, I just hope these people don't carry their antiquated country habits too far into modern territory. God knows what will happen when these two borders eventually meet.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Stop Acting Skinny
"How was work today, honey?"
"Oh, just another episode of 'A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today.'"
-- Al Bundy
As someone who likes to think of myself as somewhat of a humanitarian, and moreover as a person whose physical dimensions fall somewhat shy of superficially ideal, far-be-it for me to criticize someone else for their morphological short-comings.
I lie, I jam on funny-looking people all the time, but not out of pure mean-spiritedness if that counts for anything. Most of my ire is directed at those peculiar lookers who display a manner of a person much more normal looking than themselves, an air of arrogance even.
The other day, as I was leaving the library on the Dickinson College campus, I spotted what is not a totally unusual sight these days, a lesbian couple. But these were no ordinary lesbians, they were a pair of chubsters. I really have nothing in particular against hefty women, many of them that I have known have been amongst the more pleasant individuals that I've met. But every now and then, you run across a sour apple who just messes up everything for the rest of the barrell. These two girls appeared to be just such apples. I know I didn't talk to them, or get to know them or any of that blah blah that people say you should do before you go and judge somebody but fuck that, some shit is just too much.
The pair sashayed down the street holding hands in a most conspicuous fashion, almost as if they were purposely drawing attention to themselves. Compound that with the fact that in my humblest of estimations there was about 5 and a half to 6 hundred of the old L B's between the two of them, and you have quite a sight strolling down the street on a nice cool spring day. Many may say, what is so wrong with that, what is your problem with a couple of chubby lesbians enjoying a nice romantic stroll? Here is my problem.
The one on the right was fairly normal looking for a person, but her girlfriend with whom she shared periodic romantic pecks on the neck in just the short period of time that I could watch was quite a different story. If the visual of the neck kissing isn't enough to turn you off, note this. This young person was about 5'6", had the abdominal girth of an NFL guard, wearing the pants that cut-off at the calf and looked like they were supposed to be the loose kind, but they were obviously not contemplated for someone of such impressive mass. Her peeled back 3 inch pony-tail was just barely visible beneath the bill of her backwards green army camouflage baseball cap, with a bright pink adjustable strap in the front right above her considerable, cro-magnon forehead. She sported a pair of what I imagine were at some point flip-flops that were now hanging on to their last shred of existence clanging to the bottoms of her hobbit feet. All the while she strolled along loudly reciting some indecipherable song lyrics I couldn't recognize. I only guessed it was a song because of the strange bopping back and forth to some imaginary beat that she was doing, that only served to enhance the already plentiful gyrating cellulose visible beneath her overly tight clothing. But the piece that really set me off was this. She had on a shirt, the shirt looked to be more than big enough to house her upper body in it's entirety, yet inexplicably it was rolled up exposing her midriff.
Midriff is a word that should only be used to describe the exposed abdominal region of a young woman who has prioritized her physical health somewhere ahead of obscene amounts of Hagen-Dazs, and recreational beer and burger binges, which are my only guess as to how two people like this could grow so large.
I really don't mean to be hating on fat women, but this was one of the most ridiculous sights I have ever laid my eyes on. If this girl got down on all fours her stomach would have definitely dragged along the sidewalk, yet she felt confident enough to deliberately expose her saturated, dracula-pale belly for all passers-by to see. Which they all did, many stopping and turning after the couple walked by, sporting expressions on their faces that embodied the very words that I am now writing.
Be realistic, please. It's one thing to be fat, fine, I'm hardly in a position to criticize, but don't try to act skinny. It's not self-righteous to display a body you know no one wants to see, you're not embracing your identity, or doing any other corny Dr. Phil shit by showing off how comfortable you are being considerably overweight. Please, just stop, think, breathe, and put on clothes that were made for you.
On a related note, I was at the pool the other day and saw another very large woman in a bikini.
I have no problem with big women swimming. But come on now. And who even makes bikinis in size super-big? Why even leave the option really, it's socially irresponsible to walk around like that. You're nothing but a big walking target for snickering and laughs and mimicked-vomiting motions, all of which I saw and none of which were perpetrated by me. All of this could have been avoided by just sticking to the script. You're big, you want to swim, fine. Just don't go apeshit and pretend you feel fine putting all that out there for everyone to see. It's really just too much.
"Oh, just another episode of 'A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today.'"
-- Al Bundy
As someone who likes to think of myself as somewhat of a humanitarian, and moreover as a person whose physical dimensions fall somewhat shy of superficially ideal, far-be-it for me to criticize someone else for their morphological short-comings.
I lie, I jam on funny-looking people all the time, but not out of pure mean-spiritedness if that counts for anything. Most of my ire is directed at those peculiar lookers who display a manner of a person much more normal looking than themselves, an air of arrogance even.
The other day, as I was leaving the library on the Dickinson College campus, I spotted what is not a totally unusual sight these days, a lesbian couple. But these were no ordinary lesbians, they were a pair of chubsters. I really have nothing in particular against hefty women, many of them that I have known have been amongst the more pleasant individuals that I've met. But every now and then, you run across a sour apple who just messes up everything for the rest of the barrell. These two girls appeared to be just such apples. I know I didn't talk to them, or get to know them or any of that blah blah that people say you should do before you go and judge somebody but fuck that, some shit is just too much.
The pair sashayed down the street holding hands in a most conspicuous fashion, almost as if they were purposely drawing attention to themselves. Compound that with the fact that in my humblest of estimations there was about 5 and a half to 6 hundred of the old L B's between the two of them, and you have quite a sight strolling down the street on a nice cool spring day. Many may say, what is so wrong with that, what is your problem with a couple of chubby lesbians enjoying a nice romantic stroll? Here is my problem.
The one on the right was fairly normal looking for a person, but her girlfriend with whom she shared periodic romantic pecks on the neck in just the short period of time that I could watch was quite a different story. If the visual of the neck kissing isn't enough to turn you off, note this. This young person was about 5'6", had the abdominal girth of an NFL guard, wearing the pants that cut-off at the calf and looked like they were supposed to be the loose kind, but they were obviously not contemplated for someone of such impressive mass. Her peeled back 3 inch pony-tail was just barely visible beneath the bill of her backwards green army camouflage baseball cap, with a bright pink adjustable strap in the front right above her considerable, cro-magnon forehead. She sported a pair of what I imagine were at some point flip-flops that were now hanging on to their last shred of existence clanging to the bottoms of her hobbit feet. All the while she strolled along loudly reciting some indecipherable song lyrics I couldn't recognize. I only guessed it was a song because of the strange bopping back and forth to some imaginary beat that she was doing, that only served to enhance the already plentiful gyrating cellulose visible beneath her overly tight clothing. But the piece that really set me off was this. She had on a shirt, the shirt looked to be more than big enough to house her upper body in it's entirety, yet inexplicably it was rolled up exposing her midriff.
Midriff is a word that should only be used to describe the exposed abdominal region of a young woman who has prioritized her physical health somewhere ahead of obscene amounts of Hagen-Dazs, and recreational beer and burger binges, which are my only guess as to how two people like this could grow so large.
I really don't mean to be hating on fat women, but this was one of the most ridiculous sights I have ever laid my eyes on. If this girl got down on all fours her stomach would have definitely dragged along the sidewalk, yet she felt confident enough to deliberately expose her saturated, dracula-pale belly for all passers-by to see. Which they all did, many stopping and turning after the couple walked by, sporting expressions on their faces that embodied the very words that I am now writing.
Be realistic, please. It's one thing to be fat, fine, I'm hardly in a position to criticize, but don't try to act skinny. It's not self-righteous to display a body you know no one wants to see, you're not embracing your identity, or doing any other corny Dr. Phil shit by showing off how comfortable you are being considerably overweight. Please, just stop, think, breathe, and put on clothes that were made for you.
On a related note, I was at the pool the other day and saw another very large woman in a bikini.
I have no problem with big women swimming. But come on now. And who even makes bikinis in size super-big? Why even leave the option really, it's socially irresponsible to walk around like that. You're nothing but a big walking target for snickering and laughs and mimicked-vomiting motions, all of which I saw and none of which were perpetrated by me. All of this could have been avoided by just sticking to the script. You're big, you want to swim, fine. Just don't go apeshit and pretend you feel fine putting all that out there for everyone to see. It's really just too much.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Celebrities Do Dumb Shit
"Can't turn a hoe into a housewife."
--Tupac Shakur
A little while ago, a friend of mine sent me a text message that read "Kim K. is going to insure her ass. Lol." I really don't give a fuck about celebrity news in any sense of the word. In fact I try to avoid learning anything about these peoples personal lives if I can, because I just don't care. And out of all the things in the world that I despise, there is little I hate more than these people who make their living being "Celebrity Experts". The Joan Rivers and and whoever else does it that know all the info on people with money and status, and apparently no sense of propriety or shame. As far as her insuring her ass, whatever truth there is to this statement, they only do it for publicity, so it doesn't really deserve any more of a mention than that.
I really disapprove of people like Kim Kardashian being celebrities inasmuch as it extends past what she does best, posing for provocative pictures. That's all she is, a girl who has been blessed with a nice face and a voluptuous body. Outside of that, she's nothing as far as I'm concerned. I learned recently that there is a show entitled Keeping Up With the Kardashians. It occurs to me that any real popular following this family has incurred has happened almost entirely as a result of Ms. Kim's having been spotted all over the internet fellating one of her boyfriends.
How her family is able to sleep at night capitalizing off of this, what has to be a personal horror, I have no idea. Good thing for her father he's not here to see this, but I'm sure he's doing somersaults in his grave knowing that his family is now famous because his daughter is all over the internet 'S'-ing and 'F'-ing a black 'D' for all to see. Every fathers dream.
While I'm on the topic, I can't support Reggie Bush anymore, and this will be the last of the celebrity talk I do. Did he even have parents? How could a mother, father, step-parent, cousin, anyone let one of their relatives go out and publicly put their mouth on an internet porn-star? Out of all the broads in all the world a Reggie Bush could land, this is what you come up with? I guess at this day and age damn near everybody is someone else's leftovers, but damn. At least normal people are generally afforded the luxury of not having the whole world offered visual proof of her giving her body away like a tax rebate.
How can you wife up a girl who's been whored out on the internet? Seriously. She's hot, sure, can't really take that away from her, but worthless. She is devoid of all worth now. Pretty much every girl I know, none of them really being on her level appearance-wise (all apologies) can take pride in knowing that they are far more appealing than her in every meaningful aspect. Whoever said looks aren't everything saw deeply into life, and this may be the crowning example. As physically attractive as she is, I, Mike Brown, all 5'7" 200 lbs of me that sits beneath a receded hairline, and would need a new word 3 steps above lucky to describe the state of affairs were I able to land a girl of her physical stature, could not possibly justify wifing her.
I will admit, as far as women are concerned looks definitely count quite a bit, but not enough compensate in her case. I can already hear the most cynical of my male counterparts chiding me for acting like I wouldn't give her a run if I had the chance. This argument is invalid, because that's not even the point. You'd be hard pressed to find a man anywhere who wouldn't, that's just what men do, but I damn sure wouldn't put my name on her because I have parents. A brother, a sister, a family that expects things from me. Moreover I have a stomach that churns at the idea of a woman I will give my name to being on the internet on all fours, mouth agape waiting for the inevitable. Pardon the visual, but she did it, not me.
Somebody please talk to the boy Reggie, he's a role model now, kids are looking up to him. "Keep yo heart 3-stacks." She ain't the one.
--Tupac Shakur
A little while ago, a friend of mine sent me a text message that read "Kim K. is going to insure her ass. Lol." I really don't give a fuck about celebrity news in any sense of the word. In fact I try to avoid learning anything about these peoples personal lives if I can, because I just don't care. And out of all the things in the world that I despise, there is little I hate more than these people who make their living being "Celebrity Experts". The Joan Rivers and and whoever else does it that know all the info on people with money and status, and apparently no sense of propriety or shame. As far as her insuring her ass, whatever truth there is to this statement, they only do it for publicity, so it doesn't really deserve any more of a mention than that.
I really disapprove of people like Kim Kardashian being celebrities inasmuch as it extends past what she does best, posing for provocative pictures. That's all she is, a girl who has been blessed with a nice face and a voluptuous body. Outside of that, she's nothing as far as I'm concerned. I learned recently that there is a show entitled Keeping Up With the Kardashians. It occurs to me that any real popular following this family has incurred has happened almost entirely as a result of Ms. Kim's having been spotted all over the internet fellating one of her boyfriends.
How her family is able to sleep at night capitalizing off of this, what has to be a personal horror, I have no idea. Good thing for her father he's not here to see this, but I'm sure he's doing somersaults in his grave knowing that his family is now famous because his daughter is all over the internet 'S'-ing and 'F'-ing a black 'D' for all to see. Every fathers dream.
While I'm on the topic, I can't support Reggie Bush anymore, and this will be the last of the celebrity talk I do. Did he even have parents? How could a mother, father, step-parent, cousin, anyone let one of their relatives go out and publicly put their mouth on an internet porn-star? Out of all the broads in all the world a Reggie Bush could land, this is what you come up with? I guess at this day and age damn near everybody is someone else's leftovers, but damn. At least normal people are generally afforded the luxury of not having the whole world offered visual proof of her giving her body away like a tax rebate.
How can you wife up a girl who's been whored out on the internet? Seriously. She's hot, sure, can't really take that away from her, but worthless. She is devoid of all worth now. Pretty much every girl I know, none of them really being on her level appearance-wise (all apologies) can take pride in knowing that they are far more appealing than her in every meaningful aspect. Whoever said looks aren't everything saw deeply into life, and this may be the crowning example. As physically attractive as she is, I, Mike Brown, all 5'7" 200 lbs of me that sits beneath a receded hairline, and would need a new word 3 steps above lucky to describe the state of affairs were I able to land a girl of her physical stature, could not possibly justify wifing her.
I will admit, as far as women are concerned looks definitely count quite a bit, but not enough compensate in her case. I can already hear the most cynical of my male counterparts chiding me for acting like I wouldn't give her a run if I had the chance. This argument is invalid, because that's not even the point. You'd be hard pressed to find a man anywhere who wouldn't, that's just what men do, but I damn sure wouldn't put my name on her because I have parents. A brother, a sister, a family that expects things from me. Moreover I have a stomach that churns at the idea of a woman I will give my name to being on the internet on all fours, mouth agape waiting for the inevitable. Pardon the visual, but she did it, not me.
Somebody please talk to the boy Reggie, he's a role model now, kids are looking up to him. "Keep yo heart 3-stacks." She ain't the one.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
"If one of my sisters ever brought home a fuckin' butterhead you know what my ol' man woulda done?"
--Tony Soprano
Butterhead, that's a good one, never heard that one before. I imagine it's probably because it arose in the 70's, back when disco and afro-sheen were in style.
If you do a Google search on ethnic slurs, the second page you get is aptly labeled "ethnic slurs by ethnicity". I did just such a search a few months ago, suspecting that I would find a trend, and sure enough my expectations were met. There they have a list of derogatory terms for people of all different ethnicities and religions, but you may notice one particular group of people has considerably more entries than the others, can you guess which group that is? Of course it's black people, or "African Descent" as Wikipedia phrases it with the utmost respect for political correctness.
The reason I began looking into this matter is because it seems rather obvious that black people are among the most maligned cultures in all of society, and the reasoning behind it fascinates me. I'm not sure of exactly why that is, or more specifically when it happened, and I haven't yet come to a concrete theory of my own so I'm open to suggestions, but I find the allure of understanding why, and how it became so widespread and pervasive to be well worth investigating.
The main thing that got me thinking about this topic is that we live in a time where it has become increasingly common for people to enter into interracial relationships. For example, I have two close female friends who are simultaneously working their way out of relationships that were probably ill-fated from the outset, largely for the very reasons that are the topic of my curiosity today.These two young ladies hail from two completely different ethnic backgrounds, both with parents who are from other countries, which makes their disinclination towards integrating black in-laws particularly strong in my experience.
I wondered, why is that? What happened, and when, that allowed black people the inglorious distinction of being the most unwanted in-laws of all time. Personally I've never been an official participant in an interracial relationship, however I do suffer from a penetrating adoration of the female form, so who knows where that will take me. But, ask your average man with a daughter going off to college what his recurring nightmare is that doesn't involve grim death, and I would wager that often enough that nightmare would be said daughter coming home with her new college boyfriend, who just happens to have a little more epidermal pigment than her father's taste permits. Now mind you, I'll be the first to say that black people, particularly African-American culture, certainly has it's bald-spots, but then who doesn't? Maybe ours are just the most conspicuous, but even that alone can't justify the apparently deep-seeded aversion. It far out-dates the advent of the internet and modern media in my estimation, so it can't be blamed on that.
Back to my two young lady friends, the details of the demise of their respective relationships are strikingly similar, beyond being skin deep. A few of the common details were, "I love him but I know my parents never will." "He's not motivated", "he doesn't want anything better for himself." "He talks about having kids but I just don't think he's mature enough." My God, I thought. I really wish I could take exception to that as a black male, but sadly I really can see how one would come away with such an impression as reluctant as I am to admit it in public. One of these gentleman I have met, both are at least a few years older (and ostensibly wiser and more mature) than myself, so how is this possibly the case?
Not to say that I'm the archetype of maturity and adulthood, but I like to think my potential wife will harbor no such complaints about me. Even so I'm not foolish enough to think that that alone will allow one to leap over the fence of cultural separation. I could probably be the High Prince of Zamunda, have my own currency, and the average non-black family would still rather I leave their daughter be.
As one final anecdote of how bad things have gotten, consider this. A while ago, it was discovered by some friends of mine that on the website craigslist, there are listings for house-call escorts in your area. It being a hot summer day in a house full of alcohol, sooner or later temptation won and calls were placed. They were given a wrong address (since obviously no one wanted to really patronize prostitutes), that was conveniently within eye-shot of the kitchen window. This went on for hours, there really was nothing else to do, so why not make a few working girls burn gas driving all over town unnecessarily, only to be laughed at from a window across the street. Later on, one particular fellow came by the house to get in on the entertainment. He began making a few calls, and sooner or later came upon one who seemed willing to submit. He started giving her the address, when she interjected, "I'm sorry honey, are you african-american?" She inquired. "Yes I am." He replied. "Oooooh, I'm sorry sweetie, I don't date outside of my race." Click.
Wow! Didn't see that one coming. Is this really the state of things. So reviled are we that not even a girl of the avenue is willing to tolerate it as a commercial transaction? What more needs to be said?
So where does that leave us? Just what happened, and where is it all going? Your theories are as good as mine, please tell me.
--Tony Soprano
Butterhead, that's a good one, never heard that one before. I imagine it's probably because it arose in the 70's, back when disco and afro-sheen were in style.
If you do a Google search on ethnic slurs, the second page you get is aptly labeled "ethnic slurs by ethnicity". I did just such a search a few months ago, suspecting that I would find a trend, and sure enough my expectations were met. There they have a list of derogatory terms for people of all different ethnicities and religions, but you may notice one particular group of people has considerably more entries than the others, can you guess which group that is? Of course it's black people, or "African Descent" as Wikipedia phrases it with the utmost respect for political correctness.
The reason I began looking into this matter is because it seems rather obvious that black people are among the most maligned cultures in all of society, and the reasoning behind it fascinates me. I'm not sure of exactly why that is, or more specifically when it happened, and I haven't yet come to a concrete theory of my own so I'm open to suggestions, but I find the allure of understanding why, and how it became so widespread and pervasive to be well worth investigating.
The main thing that got me thinking about this topic is that we live in a time where it has become increasingly common for people to enter into interracial relationships. For example, I have two close female friends who are simultaneously working their way out of relationships that were probably ill-fated from the outset, largely for the very reasons that are the topic of my curiosity today.These two young ladies hail from two completely different ethnic backgrounds, both with parents who are from other countries, which makes their disinclination towards integrating black in-laws particularly strong in my experience.
I wondered, why is that? What happened, and when, that allowed black people the inglorious distinction of being the most unwanted in-laws of all time. Personally I've never been an official participant in an interracial relationship, however I do suffer from a penetrating adoration of the female form, so who knows where that will take me. But, ask your average man with a daughter going off to college what his recurring nightmare is that doesn't involve grim death, and I would wager that often enough that nightmare would be said daughter coming home with her new college boyfriend, who just happens to have a little more epidermal pigment than her father's taste permits. Now mind you, I'll be the first to say that black people, particularly African-American culture, certainly has it's bald-spots, but then who doesn't? Maybe ours are just the most conspicuous, but even that alone can't justify the apparently deep-seeded aversion. It far out-dates the advent of the internet and modern media in my estimation, so it can't be blamed on that.
Back to my two young lady friends, the details of the demise of their respective relationships are strikingly similar, beyond being skin deep. A few of the common details were, "I love him but I know my parents never will." "He's not motivated", "he doesn't want anything better for himself." "He talks about having kids but I just don't think he's mature enough." My God, I thought. I really wish I could take exception to that as a black male, but sadly I really can see how one would come away with such an impression as reluctant as I am to admit it in public. One of these gentleman I have met, both are at least a few years older (and ostensibly wiser and more mature) than myself, so how is this possibly the case?
Not to say that I'm the archetype of maturity and adulthood, but I like to think my potential wife will harbor no such complaints about me. Even so I'm not foolish enough to think that that alone will allow one to leap over the fence of cultural separation. I could probably be the High Prince of Zamunda, have my own currency, and the average non-black family would still rather I leave their daughter be.
As one final anecdote of how bad things have gotten, consider this. A while ago, it was discovered by some friends of mine that on the website craigslist, there are listings for house-call escorts in your area. It being a hot summer day in a house full of alcohol, sooner or later temptation won and calls were placed. They were given a wrong address (since obviously no one wanted to really patronize prostitutes), that was conveniently within eye-shot of the kitchen window. This went on for hours, there really was nothing else to do, so why not make a few working girls burn gas driving all over town unnecessarily, only to be laughed at from a window across the street. Later on, one particular fellow came by the house to get in on the entertainment. He began making a few calls, and sooner or later came upon one who seemed willing to submit. He started giving her the address, when she interjected, "I'm sorry honey, are you african-american?" She inquired. "Yes I am." He replied. "Oooooh, I'm sorry sweetie, I don't date outside of my race." Click.
Wow! Didn't see that one coming. Is this really the state of things. So reviled are we that not even a girl of the avenue is willing to tolerate it as a commercial transaction? What more needs to be said?
So where does that leave us? Just what happened, and where is it all going? Your theories are as good as mine, please tell me.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
American Journalism
"Because someone is physically beautiful, does that mean they would be a good prostitute?"
- Larry King
I really hate how the news people just pick topics, and then proceed to beat me over the head with them like they are Damon Wayans as Homey The Clown. I am not amused, and I don't play that.
I realize that the idea of a married man patronizing the services of a woman who acts as her own commodity while he's the Governor of New York is one that many find unsavory to say the least, but I think we gotta sober it up a little bit. Sure its news, maybe even big news but that can't be an excuse for us to just listen to anything these people can come up with.
The typically professional news coverage of CNN today was visiting this very topic for only the second or third time since I'd been watching, when Larry King announced an upcoming guest speaker. None other than a close friend of Jessica What's-her-name, or whatever the hooker chick's name is. I guess they figured that having already enlightened me as to the contents of a professional flesh-trader's Myspace page, I could pursue no other course of desire than to seek insight into what goes on behind the scenes of such a prostitution scandal, from a hooker who is acquainted with the hooker they really wanted on Larry King Live tonight.
As I sat listening to this certifiable moron of a prostitute pontificating (never use 'prostitute' and 'pontificate' in the same sentence) about her opinion on the subject of prostitution and the learning curve that such a practice entails, it hit me. I really don't care about anything this girl has to say. In fact, I'm offended that she has been invited to come onto prime-time national television to give her opinion, on anything, and I haven't. Sure that may sound rather arrogant on the surface, and it is, but what kind of message does that send to the world? That a girl who's best answer to the problems posed by life, was to have sex with as many men as it should take to support her extravagant lifestyle captures the attention of the nation, and my day to day travails as a short, black, stocky, aspiring attorney in a middle-of-nowhere shit town like Carlisle, PA can't? Not to bash on prostitutes in particular but really, if we know anything about a woman who is a prostitute it's that she can make bad decisions. What could she possibly have to tell the world that's gonna help anything? "Hey Girls, don't become hookers"? That's what she's got for us? Yea thanks, I think most of them got that memo a little while ago. Bears repeating though I guess.
Wait a minute though, CNN can take you further. Just when I was beginning to think maybe there's something wrong with me for not wanting to hear this shit, Larry hit me with the knockout.
"Let's bring in two more hookers and ask them what they think about prostitution." These two were not even socially related to the main hooker they couldn't get, but nonetheless. American journalism at its mother-fucking finest ladies and gentleman.
I opened my eyes, and before me sat a panel of hookers.
A panel of hookers? Seriously! One wasn't enough, after all this is CNN. A good journalist must always assess the reliability of their sources. And who better to offer critiques on hooker prose than more hookers?
Unbelievable.
I was really sitting in front of the television being talked at by a round table of prostitutes. What does that say about what these news-people think of me?
I guess it all just goes to show you why it's the oldest profession. Everybody patronizes even Larry King.
- Larry King
I really hate how the news people just pick topics, and then proceed to beat me over the head with them like they are Damon Wayans as Homey The Clown. I am not amused, and I don't play that.
I realize that the idea of a married man patronizing the services of a woman who acts as her own commodity while he's the Governor of New York is one that many find unsavory to say the least, but I think we gotta sober it up a little bit. Sure its news, maybe even big news but that can't be an excuse for us to just listen to anything these people can come up with.
The typically professional news coverage of CNN today was visiting this very topic for only the second or third time since I'd been watching, when Larry King announced an upcoming guest speaker. None other than a close friend of Jessica What's-her-name, or whatever the hooker chick's name is. I guess they figured that having already enlightened me as to the contents of a professional flesh-trader's Myspace page, I could pursue no other course of desire than to seek insight into what goes on behind the scenes of such a prostitution scandal, from a hooker who is acquainted with the hooker they really wanted on Larry King Live tonight.
As I sat listening to this certifiable moron of a prostitute pontificating (never use 'prostitute' and 'pontificate' in the same sentence) about her opinion on the subject of prostitution and the learning curve that such a practice entails, it hit me. I really don't care about anything this girl has to say. In fact, I'm offended that she has been invited to come onto prime-time national television to give her opinion, on anything, and I haven't. Sure that may sound rather arrogant on the surface, and it is, but what kind of message does that send to the world? That a girl who's best answer to the problems posed by life, was to have sex with as many men as it should take to support her extravagant lifestyle captures the attention of the nation, and my day to day travails as a short, black, stocky, aspiring attorney in a middle-of-nowhere shit town like Carlisle, PA can't? Not to bash on prostitutes in particular but really, if we know anything about a woman who is a prostitute it's that she can make bad decisions. What could she possibly have to tell the world that's gonna help anything? "Hey Girls, don't become hookers"? That's what she's got for us? Yea thanks, I think most of them got that memo a little while ago. Bears repeating though I guess.
Wait a minute though, CNN can take you further. Just when I was beginning to think maybe there's something wrong with me for not wanting to hear this shit, Larry hit me with the knockout.
"Let's bring in two more hookers and ask them what they think about prostitution." These two were not even socially related to the main hooker they couldn't get, but nonetheless. American journalism at its mother-fucking finest ladies and gentleman.
I opened my eyes, and before me sat a panel of hookers.
A panel of hookers? Seriously! One wasn't enough, after all this is CNN. A good journalist must always assess the reliability of their sources. And who better to offer critiques on hooker prose than more hookers?
Unbelievable.
I was really sitting in front of the television being talked at by a round table of prostitutes. What does that say about what these news-people think of me?
I guess it all just goes to show you why it's the oldest profession. Everybody patronizes even Larry King.
“The men who seek out escorts are looking to form a bond with someone, whether it be physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually…whatever it is, being an escort is about bonding with people.” – Natalie, who gave escorting advice to the now notorious “Kristen”.
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